I Have Finally Figured it Out!

By Tony Sayegh

The “peace process” will be “back on track” after a “jump start” by the international “quartet” and the Arab “quartet,” soon. The search for an “acceptable” Palestinian partner goes on, as the criteria of acceptability, left to the goodwill of Olmert, are refined further and further. The latest semi-acceptable partner, the man with the flexibility of a rubber band, Abu Mazen, has declared that he accepts those criteria a priori. “It does not matter,” he said, “I accept any conditions Israel demands. I just like to meet Olmert and his gracious wife in their home in Jerusalem. The last time we met we had a wonderful time and a great meal; and boy that Olmert is a great kisser.”

However making peace, like making love, requires careful preparations. The partners must be in the right mood. The setting has to be just right. A certain amount of foreplay is a necessity for really successful peace-making. You have to know your partner well and that takes time. In the case of Israel and the Palestinians this courtship has been going on for only 14 years, and this is not enough.

As a measure of goodwill, all the neighbors and other world leaders are keen on consummating this relationship. They have great hopes for such a union and its off springs. As caring and nosy relatives do in similar situations, each is offering advice on what to do in the lead up to the big night. We see frantic consultations and hear all kinds of whispers from all those concerned neighbors and relatives from across the oceans. But patience is called for. This has to be done right. The whole neighborhood has to welcome this peace making and its results. So, here is the schedule of all the planned consultations:

Abbas meets Abdullah of Jordan. Abbas meets Abdullah of Saudi Arabia. Abbas meets Mubarak. Abbas meets Asad. Abbas meets the rulers of Kuwait and the UAE (the fourth in the quartet). Abbas meets Rice. Abbas meets Blair. Abbas meets Solana. Abbas meets Merkel. Abbas meets Chirac. Abbas meets Putin. Abbas meets Haniyeh. Abbas meets Mish’al. Abbas meets Olmert,

Abdullah (the little one) meets Mubarak. Abdullah meets the other Abdullah. Abdullah meet Abbas. Abdullah meets Blair. Abdullah meets Rice. Abdullah meets Olmert. Abdullah meets Solana.

Mish’al meets Abdullah (the big one). Mish’al meets Mubarak. Mish’al meets Putin. Mish’al meets Ahmedinejad. Mish’al meets Haniyeh.

Anyway, you get the idea. In the meantime, the Palestinians have to remain patient and to tighten their belts a notch or two; these things take time. This peace making has been going on for only 14 years, and may take at least that much longer to consummate a good relationship. Meanwhile, Olmert will be busy building tens of thousands of homes in the West Bank waiting for that blessed day and the off springs of peace.