The Question of Suffering

Contributed by Datta

By Nahida Izzat
(a -Jerusalem born- Palestinian refugee living in exile for over 40 years. She was forced to leave her homeland, Palestine at the age of seven during the six-day war. Nahida, is a mathematician by profession but art is one of her favourite pastimes. Please visit her website PoetryforPalestine - http://poetryforpalestine.spaces.live.com/default.aspx)

".....The most negative occurrences in the life of a human being can be summarized as such: physical pain, emotional pain (sorrow), and fear.

Contemplating on my own life and like every one on the planet I've experienced all; but with such intensity that some times it felt and feels almost unbearable.

As little girl I survived the horrors of war, I watched my childhood being stolen away from me. I witnessed the destruction of a people. I experienced the loss of every thing I loved; including my home, my garden, my relatives, my friends, my village, my identity, even my much-loved books and school bag.

I had to rely on UN food and cloths parcels in order to survive.

I witnessed fighter planes flying so low in the sky -that as a child you thought they're about to fall onto your head- while bombing villages killing innocent women and children.

At such a tender age, I came face to face with human cruelty and brutality and witnessed their ability to inflect so much pain, suffering, and humiliation upon its own kind.

I left home as a refugee with absolutely nothing except the two dresses and a jumper that my mum had forced me to put on in the burning heat of Middle Eastern summer......

I lived through a kind of fear that had left its permanent mark on me. Until this very day I still jump when I hear a loud noise; I still tremble when I hear the roar of an airplane.

My family of seven and I had lived for some years of our life sharing one room, living with another family of twelve (in Jordan ), then sharing with a different family of ten (in Libya ).

At a very young age, I've experienced pain, fear, and sorrow that many people don't experience in a lifetime.....

The only thing that could ever console and comfort this troubled soul of mine was this faith, this insight and intuition that this can't all be in vain.

And like a tender mother's hand stroking her child

Like a soft warm blanket in a cold winter night

Like gentle rain drops drizzling over a parched piece of land

Like a rainbow flowing piercing through thick dark clouds

I feel God's loving hand

Then…

Then this sweet… sweet comfort that overwhelms you, embraces you as you humbly say:

Here I am God… exhausted… come to my aid

Here I am God… in much anguish… relieve me… ease my pain

Here I am God… full of sorrow… soothe my hurt

Here I am God… lonely… be my friend and companion.

Here I am God… tired… help me…hold me… heal me

Here I am God… lost… guide me… show me the way

That distressed soul… that troubled heart would be magically transformed… "